Monday, January 24, 2005

Hapax Legomena - in need of encouragement

I've been visiting Hapax Legomena. Can't remember how I found the blog, but I did. I found this post and thought I should post it here, too. Most of us have had these thoughts, I'm guessing. This sounds like me about two years ago, except for the blogging comments. I've offered my encouragement.

The Futility of Theology

There’s a long personal story behind this post, but I’m not going to tell it.

I write about Christianity a lot here. And I often sound very sure and confident, but that’s because I’m a good liar, at least in print. The reality is that I have no idea which way I’m really supposed to be going, and I’m sure that I’m screwing it up royally pretty consistently. All of my sound and fury here on the blog is just the frantic scribblings of someone desperately trying to find out Who is this Jesus and how on earth can I get to him? I don’t even know what’s wrong with me half of the time, but I’m hoping somehow that this man can fix me and make sense of this mess I live in. And so I chase him across commentary, blog, and footnote, thinking that if I trace his steps well enough, I’ll find out where he went to.

And that’s why theology is futile. When I’ve done everything I can and still screwed myself over, I realize that everything I’m doing here is pointless. I’m not going to save myself by studying and reading and arguing until I know the way. The only way I can be saved is if Jesus, this same man that I spend so much of my time discussing and dissecting, gets down off the cross that I’ve put him on and comes and picks me up. I can’t save myself through my belief, through my theology. I can only hope that Jesus comes and saves me.

My answer is the Bible answer: Jesus already did come to earth and save you. It's done. Finished. Now be thankful.


Anonymous said...

This is JS from Hapax Legomena. I really hate the way blogger doesn't allow for non-blogger users to post comments properly :).

Anyway, it's not as bad as that. I had a crisis, but it was a good crisis because it sent me reeling and desperate to the Cross. The thing is, for me, theology often becomes a kind of work. Watch me as I exegete my way to God and prove what a good Christian I am! But then, when it mattered, I wasn't able to hold up and just had a sort of breakdown... but what I realized is that it's okay. My theology isn't saving me. My woefully inconsistent application isn't saving me. Only Jesus is saving me, and that's it. My salvation is out of my control, and in the hands of the only One who can be trusted with it.

TKls2myhrt said...

"My salvation is out of my control, and in the hands of the only One who can be trusted with it" Amen to that, J.S.!

Still, I'm glad you wrote your post. I think lots of people have felt the way you did that day.

Glad you stopped by!